I'm getting better at holding him. He grabs on with his little hands. Looks into me with those familiar deep brown eyes. It makes me smile.
Last year I was sleeping on the same couch feeling an overwhelming calm and contentment I don't usually experience in my life on my own. Now there is a new life growing in the room beside me- life is so fast! My heart races at the prospect of not being able to do the many things in life I want to do: so much music to play, so many people to meet, so many places to travel to, so many things to learn and understand... I'm still in my twenties, but time truly moves swiftly.
Where do I go from here? So exciting :)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A Day Off
Man- I haven't written on this thing in forever! Life is great- so many opportunities and exciting things ahead. I don't think I have ever felt so creative before. Learning how to nurture this state is interesting. I try to keep in the gym in the mornings to keep leveling up my circus/tumbling skills, keep singing and playing guitar, playing piano scales, reading Shakespeare, speaking Shakespeare.. Drinking tea. But I have to continue this exploration of self. It seems to me that I am limitless, but it seems to me now that there are so many things in my heart and mind that were planted there long ago that are now impeding my growth. Issues of family, of love, of passion- things that I have set aside, but need to be dusted off. How often am I myself? I wonder that now-a-days. Actually, the question is "why don't I think much of myself?" Not in an emo, wrist-slashing introspective, but truly: why do I think I am undeserving in life, or that it is not my place to do what I feel is right? Writing this down, it totally sounds like a cop-out, an easy excuse to not engage with risk, pain or failure.
Well screw the path of least resistance! I've only got this one life (as far as I know) and I must continue to pull upon the fabric that makes up me.. if I want to continue to grow and understand myself.
Man- I haven't written on this thing in forever! Life is great- so many opportunities and exciting things ahead. I don't think I have ever felt so creative before. Learning how to nurture this state is interesting. I try to keep in the gym in the mornings to keep leveling up my circus/tumbling skills, keep singing and playing guitar, playing piano scales, reading Shakespeare, speaking Shakespeare.. Drinking tea. But I have to continue this exploration of self. It seems to me that I am limitless, but it seems to me now that there are so many things in my heart and mind that were planted there long ago that are now impeding my growth. Issues of family, of love, of passion- things that I have set aside, but need to be dusted off. How often am I myself? I wonder that now-a-days. Actually, the question is "why don't I think much of myself?" Not in an emo, wrist-slashing introspective, but truly: why do I think I am undeserving in life, or that it is not my place to do what I feel is right? Writing this down, it totally sounds like a cop-out, an easy excuse to not engage with risk, pain or failure.
Well screw the path of least resistance! I've only got this one life (as far as I know) and I must continue to pull upon the fabric that makes up me.. if I want to continue to grow and understand myself.
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