Visits

My head feels light- I woke up saying the words "whore," with a ghostly undertone.

I said it with conviction, purpose. I said it to the shadow of a face in the early morning.

I heard a knock at my door- I hauled my body out of bed, still deeply at rest.

I had a dream first of walking outside of a mall, I was grocery shopping. I had My bike which I had clumsily ridden down to this place from some metro. I made it there and got two large melons, some ready to eat foodstuffs, a potato cake, and other things. I slung my groceries on either handles of my bike while I went inside to get one last thing. When I came out I saw children taking things from my bags, kind of waywardly. I hollered at them to stop- some ran, some just stood, unsure of what to do.

I took my things back as I saw them run to a man, their keeper or some sort of guardian. He initially was a tall, scraggly, unkempt white man- he looked at me scornfully and with a bit of disdain and told me that the kids were hungry. I replied with some sort of speech advocating against theft. He took a different shape, he turned into a man that resembled Don Cheadle, and spoke to me again saying that he was teaching the children under his care how to steal so they could survive. I became sympathetic and decided to help him.

It started to rain.

I went to my bags and took out one melon, some random food and the potatoe cake wrapped in plastic wrap and tin foil. I took a bite of it to make sure it was good for kids, and it was adequate. I came back to Don Cheadle with a melon and a bag with the food and potato cake and said "This is for you." He seemed very grateful, and one of the children, wide-eyed, took the melon while another tentatively took the plastic bag and began to look inside like Pandora's box or something. A couple began to run off, like according to their training from their protector, but upon his advice they stayed.

I offered to take them in my car to wherever they needed to go, seeing as how the rain had begun to come down it made even more sense that I do this. Don Cheadle seemed very grateful and said he and his children would wait right there for me until I returned with my car. I turned hurriedly and heard his voice almost over my shoulder say, "thank you brother, remember: FOUR people."

"Him and the three kids, got it," I thought to myself. My care should seat everyone fine.

As I turned to go, I felt good- one of the children had decided to follow me back to my bike (which apparently I would take to my car, which, I assume, had a bike rack now.)

What happened next...

It was a little blond boy I walked with, hand in hand, back to where my bike was.

I remember: I had to gather my things and bring everyone to my car so I could take them home. He was 4 or 5. We talked about how great things were today (I think.) As I got closer to where my bike was, I- shocked. Every time I looked by at the child, he had grown older, and actually changed sex.

I remember saying "you are getting older my the minute!"

For a moment she held a delicate, emaciated face, like a young teenage girl who hasn't filled out quite yet. But quickly another shape took hold.

She was a grown woman now, dark hair- beautiful. I asked her a question, she looked sad- her face grew long and tired for a second, then the mouth opened unnaturally wide into a soundless
scream. I took her face in deeply.

I awoke, purpose in my surprise, almost retorting this word from deep within me "whore." The Sound of it, undertones pinging with genuine hate- an anger in me that did not feel like my own, it fueled me not to turn away at the shadow I had pinned as my enemy in the morning. I keep my eyes locked firmly on it, not wanting it to escape in a momentary lapse of focus. The shadow was the shape of a melon, or more or less, a human face.

I turned on the light to find it was clothing.

I came to the front door to answer the knock I heard, the knock I heard ambiently right after I awoke and said "whore," I remembered how almost like a cue the sound came. In a daze, a brain-tingling stupor, I made made my way to the door, looked through the peep hole and no one was there. It's 5:50am.

I've been seeing spots a lot.

While I've been writing this, I have been rubbing the goosebumps from my arms periodically. I am very tense in the right side of my neck.

I feel like I am being watched as I have been writing this entire thing. I am not scared.

what the fuck, man.